


The Second Hour of the Night

by ObsidionWingsofMidnight



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, EXCEPT THEY ALL END UP HAPPY DAMMIT, Homophobia, It'll be explained, M/M, World War II, and i made it fredashi cuz that's apparently what i do with everything, angst out the fucking wazoo kiddos, be the one to carry THIS WHOLE DAMN SHIP ON MY BACK, but perhaps not the kind you're thinking of, but yeah atonement au cuz i watched it and was like this would make a great au, don't expect historical accuracy tho, don't like poetry?, extreme case of misunderstanging, hahahaha look i'm writing another fic i have no time for, i am weak, i wish i had time to research but wouldn't you know it i don't, i'm always a slut for well written poetry that i can shove into angsty fanfics, no actual rape or non-con tho, not strong enough for this, oh yeah i forgot to tag some other stuff, ok there's like 2 other people who still make stuff for it but COME ON, rape accusations, side note: wtf all u fredashi shippers doing????, sort of like an atonement au, sucks for you it's everywhere in this fic, the person with truly shoddy writing skills, y must i, yes it's rated T look for your smut somewhere else lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2018-09-02 05:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8652166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidionWingsofMidnight/pseuds/ObsidionWingsofMidnight
Summary: An Atonement Au except with an actual happy ending and also super gay.





	1. A Myth of Innocence

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the poem with the same name by Frank Bidart (highly recommend reading his stuff, it's great).  
> Also: all the poems at the beginning of each chapter come from The Metamorphoses of Ovid as translated by Allen Mandelbaum unless explicitly stated otherwise (also a fun read if you like learning about random Greek mythology beyond the basics)

_"           ....She had ripped_

_her tunic at its upper edge, and since_

_the folds were loosened now, the flowers fell._

_So simple is the heart of a young girl_

_that, at that loss, new grief is what she felt."_

_-Ceres and Proserpina_

* * *

 

At 12:03 on a beautiful sunny day, Hiro sat at the windowsill and heaved a sigh.

He was just soooo bored.

He'd been waiting all day for his step-brother to show up, and yet here he was still waiting. Wasabi said he'd be returning home from his trip today. Hiro checked like ten times to make sure. He'd put off his tinkering to greet Wasabi the minute he showed up.

...well, that and the fact that he couldn't seem to focus on building anything lately.

He was told that presenting had a tendency to do that to a person.

It had only been a few days since he'd presented as an alpha, and he wasn't sure he enjoyed it. It had been a surprise to everyone who figured he'd either be a beta or perhaps an omega like his older brother. He'd prepared for the worst (omega), but had hoped for best (beta). Imagine his shock when he presented as the species' most coveted secondary gender.

Everyone knew alphas had it easier than the other genders. Specifically male alphas- female alphas were less common and often times seen as less impressive than their male counterparts. As a whole though, alphas were the strongest ones around. They were leaders and fighters, passionate about anything and everything.

Of course, they were also hot-headed and arrogant. But if an alpha did anything wrong there was a 95% chance society would just wave it off as typical alpha behavior and excuse whatever they'd done.

Hiro thought it was a load of bull shit.

He would much rather be a beta. Betas were the calm, rational ones in society. They always kept a clear head and they didn't have to worry about the other genders' hormones sending them into heat or rut. Having beta as your secondary gender might have been considered "boring" to some, but there was really no downsides to being one.

Now being an omega on the other hand- that was hard.

He'd watched for years as his brother came to terms with his secondary gender. As soon as Tadashi had presented it was like a flip had switched off in everyone else's brains. He was pampered and coddled, and Tadashi _hated_ it. All of the sudden he had to dress a certain way and behave "like a proper omega" which basically meant subservient and unobtrusive. He'd told Hiro on more than one occasion that the ideal omega would have been an inflatable sex doll.

He felt a little guilty admitting it, but Hiro was extremely relieved he hadn't become an omega. Particularly a male omega, which were-like female alphas- looked down upon for their less than common percentages in the human population. At least female alphas were still alphas. As an omega Tadashi's primary purpose in the world was for mating a strong alpha that could protect him. And in turn, he'd be responsible for keeping their home in proper order and pumping out pups. It made Hiro's stomach churn.

His brother was intent on fighting society's expectations though. He went to college- unusual, but not unheard of for an omega- and majored in engineering and nursing. He had wanted to become a doctor, but apparently society was not progressive enough to train its first omega doctor yet. So he settled for nursing because people figured it was a more feminine line of work.

Their step-father was adamant that Tadashi behave in a way more appropriate for his gender, so unfortunately that was as rebellious as he got to be. He was still forced to learn "omega skills" that would make him a good mate and wear specific kinds of clothes. They were all soft and flowing, made to accentuate his figure enough to grab an alpha's attention but cover him enough that it wasn't scandalous. This often meant wearing more form fitting clothes beneath layers of translucent robes.

Hiro was glad he got to keep wearing his normal clothes like pants and button down shirts. He wasn't nearly as graceful as his brother, so he could imagine himself tripping over all those loose robes.

Perhaps it was unfortunate that Tadashi was as good looking as he was. Maybe if he'd been born ugly he would have a freer reign over his future. As it was, Tadashi had people falling over their feet to get to him. Their step-father planned on using Tadashi to arrange a beneficial marriage. Their family was already well off, but they could always improve their social standing.

Wasabi had tried to convince his father on multiple occasions to let Tadashi be, but the man would not be persuaded. Needless to say, it put a strain on all their relationships with him.

"Hiro? What are you doing staring out the window like that?"

He turned his head so fast he almost got whiplash.

"Uh...nothing." He felt his face flush at his answer. _Way to sound smart, Hiro._ He didn't really want to admit that he was waiting for his step-brother like a little kid.

Fred looked dubiously at him. "Okay then. So you're telling me you're not waiting diligently at the window for Wasabi to show up?" Busted.

"...maybe?"

Fred laughed, and Hiro felt his face grow hotter.

Fred Whitaker was a longtime family friend. His father had worked as their gardener for decades and had a close friendship with both the Hamada's parents and grandparents. They'd been so close that Hiro's parents had insisted on funding his son's education. So Fred had basically always been around, being raised right alongside them. And when Hiro's dad had passed away in an automobile accident they continued to stay. When his mother remarried and they were put under new management they continued to stay. And when she passed away from pneumonia a couple years later they stayed right where they were. The Whitakers and the Hamadas were stuck together like glue, and they wouldn't have it any other way.

Fred was also an alpha, like Wasabi and now Hiro. He didn't have the typical alpha look of bulging muscles and a hulking build like Wasabi, although he did keep himself in good shape. He was leaner and held himself casually as though nothing could faze him. If Hiro was stuck being an alpha he hoped he ended up like Fred: funny, warm, and as non-threatening as possible.

Fred was....he was something else.

The closer Hiro had got to presenting the more he started to worry about how others would treat him. That was completely normal, but he spent a lot of time focusing on how Fred would treat him. He'd never given him any reason to make Hiro think he'd treat him differently, but he couldn't help it. Fred was nice to everyone, so it didn't make sense to think that he'd change just for Hiro. Still, as his fate approached he kept thinking, _maybe I'll be the breaking point. Maybe he'll get tired of being so nice, just because it's me_. It was a stressful time.

He wasn't even sure why Fred's opinion mattered more to him than everyone else's. It just...did.

If he were an omega he could have put it off as a crush. But he wasn't an omega, he was an alpha. Alphas did not get crushes on other alphas. Not if they were both male anyway. That was just too unnatural.

"Well, if you decide you're bored of that then feel free to join Tadashi and me for some lemonade. We'll be in the courtyard," he said, smiling as he strolled out of the room.

As soon as he was sure the other wasn't going to return he ran to the other side of the room to the adjacent window that overlooked the courtyard. No one out there yet. He slumped against the window and started thumping his head against the glass.

"So-," _thump_ ,"-stupid-," _thump_ , "-you-," _thump_ , "-great-," _thump_ , "-big-," _thump_ , "-idiot!" _thump_.

 He rested his face against the glass and sighed. He was supposed to be a genius, but apparently intelligence in engineering didn't transfer to social skills. Fred probably thought he'd be a weird little kid forever. He sighed again and closed his eyes.

When he opened them again he saw Fred and his brother out in the courtyard. There was no lemonade that he could see though. And actually Tadashi looked...upset.

He was standing on the edge of the fountain and glaring at Fred whose back was turned towards Hiro. The alpha made a dismissing gesture with his hand, and before he realized what was happening Tadashi was peeling off his outermost layers and jumping into the water.

Hiro sat up straight and pressed his face into the glass. What in the world was going on down there?

Tadashi emerged a few seconds later, soaking wet and glaring at the alpha. He pulled himself out of the water to stand on the fountain's edge again. Hiro's eyes widened.

Like he mentioned before, omegas usually dressed in layers, but Tadashi had thrown one off. That day Tadashi was wearing pastel green leggings and a white tunic- both of which were now plastered to him like a second skin. The top was also alarmingly transparent now.

Now, Hiro was fourteen years old and not blind nor deaf, so he knew people often found others drenched in water to be frighteningly attractive. He'd never really understood the appeal before, but he could now. There was something oddly erotic about Tadashi as he stood there, droplets dripping down his skin and chest heaving. (And no, he was not saying he was sexually attracted to him- that would be disgusting. They were brothers for God's sake. Just thinking about it made him want to puke.)

If their step-father saw Tadashi in such a state he'd lock him up for the next three years.

But he wasn't watching him right now. The only ones seeing him like this were Hiro and...Fred.

Fred, who was an alpha. Whose body language screamed "alpha" right at that moment, something Hiro hadn't seen before. He had drawn himself to his full height instead of his almost permanent slouch, and even from this far away Hiro could see the tension in his body.

Hiro's mouth suddenly felt very dry. He swallowed. _Hard_.

Tadashi moved to step down, but Fred held his hands out in clear command to stop. His brother scowled, and he saw his fists clench at his sides. What was Fred doing? Was he- was he getting a power trip off this or something?

There were a few moments of taut silence where Hiro watched in rapt attention, unable to look away. He felt dread creep into his gut.

After a few more moments of tension Fred bent down to grab the robe that Tadashi had discarded earlier. He tossed it to him and waited while Tadashi shoved his arms into the sleeves and wrapped it around his frame. Not once since Hiro saw them appear did Fred turn away from his brother.

The outer layer of his outfit helped, but it was a pale, nearly translucent yellow, and the water still clinging to his clothes didn't help protect his decency. He clutched his fabric around him, gave Fred one last scathing look, and stormed away, face flushed with indignation.

For the first time since Hiro opened his eyes, Fred turned around so he could see his face.

He looked.... _Hungry_. Hiro recognized that look. He'd seen it on alphas before. The difference was that those men had all been pursuing his brother and treated him like a piece of meat rather than a person. To see it on Fred was disturbing. But that was definitely the look in his face. He stared at Tadashi's retreating form and licked his lips.

Hiro threw himself away from the window with all the force he could muster and backed away until his back hit the wall. His heart was pounding in his chest so loudly he wondered if the rest of the house could hear it. He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor and tried to get his heart to calm down.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, staring into nothing while his thoughts raced by at a mile a minute, but when he snapped back to attention it was from the honking of a car horn. Wasabi was finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this first chapter in one night go me.  
> This chapter was going to have more stuff in it, but then I decided to split it into 2 chapters instead. So these first 2 chapters are very Hiro centric, but the rest of the story will follow Fred and Tadashi more closely. With some Hiro mixed in there too.  
> Also I s2g if anyone says the words hidashi or incest to me I'm dragging myself out of the deepest pits of hell to hurl you straight to church


	2. A Myth of Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The extreme misunderstandings continue and fuck everyone over

_Time passed, turning everything into ice._

_Under the ice, the future stirred._

_If you fell into it, you died._

_It was a time_

_of waiting, of suspended action._

_I lived in the present, which was_

_the part of the future you could see._

_The past floated above my head,_

_like the sun and moon, visible but never reachable._

_It was a time_

_governed by contradictions, as in_

I felt nothing _and_

I was afraid.

_-Landscape by Louise Gluck_

* * *

 

Hiro did his best to brush off what he'd seen. He'd probably just misunderstood what had happened. There had to be some piece of the picture that he was missing. Yeah. That must be it.

He pushed his thoughts aside and raced down to meet Wasabi and his friends.

Maybe he could tell Wasabi what had happened?

No, that wasn't necessary. He didn't want to bother Wasabi as he just got home. Besides, it was nothing to worry about. Right?

* * *

 

It was a few hours later when Fred approached him.

Hiro had been doing so good- he'd managed to shake off his doubts from before and act like he normally did, excitement from seeing Wasabi helping to distract him. But as soon as Fred approached him it was like all his hard work had been washed away.

Fred was dressed nicely. Far too nicely for a normal day, but Wasabi was back and Fred had probably been invited to have dinner with them. His suit was pressed and fitted neatly to his frame, black complimenting the crisp white of his shirt. He had a bowtie on- definitely not something he would normally bother with. It was the same alluring shade as his eyes, somewhere not quite green and not quite blue.

He felt something curl uncomfortably in his stomach and tried to keep his worries off his face.

"Hiro? Sorry to bother you buddy, but would you mind giving something to your brother for me? I... I kind of upset him earlier? I just wanted to apologize," Fred spoke, looking imploringly at him.

Hiro stared blankly at him, outwardly expressing nothing but feeling relief seep into him. It really was all just a misunderstanding. Fred wasn't a bad guy. Fred was still Fred.

"Uh, I know I should just give it to him myself, but..." Fred said, breaking through Hiro's thoughts, "I'm a little embarrassed I guess. I don't think he wants to see me right now anyway. So...do you mind?" He held out an envelope for Hiro to take.

It was white and unassuming. There was nothing threatening about it, yet for some reason it made Hiro want to run and hide again.

He took it and nodded to Fred, unable to trust his voice if he opened his mouth. Fred just looked relieved and thanked him before turning away.

Hiro ran off before Fred could decide if he had anything else to say.

* * *

 

It was rude to open a letter meant for someone else. Hiro knew that.

But it was just-just staring at him. No matter how Hiro tried to convince himself that he shouldn't do it, there was always a little voice in his head telling him that it had to be done.

Who knew what lay in this envelope? Would it be a threat telling Tadashi to keep his mouth shut about what had happened? Would it be a heartfelt plea to run away together? Would it be a list of excuses for what had happened? Or maybe it would be what Fred said it was. An apology.

He should give it to Tadashi.

But...maybe he should check what was in it first.

Tadashi would still get it in the end. Hiro would just make sure Tadashi knew what to expect.

He ducked into an empty room, ripping open the envelope and shakily pulling out its contents.

With trembling hands he began to read.

* * *

 

  _Four steps forward then_

_one back, then three_

_back, then four forward:-_

. . . the illusion of movement without

movement, because you know that what you

move towards

(malignant in the eyes of god and men)

_isn't there:-_

_doesn't exist:-_

 

In his hands smiling LOVE held my burning

heart, and in his arms, the body whose greeting

pierces my soul, now wrapped in bloodred, sleeping.

 

He made him wake. He ordered him to eat

my heart. He ate my burning heart. He ate it

submissively, as if afraid, as LOVE wept.

 

at the well of Eros, how often he has

slaked the thirst that is but briefly

slaked-;

 

-As a dog whose body is sinking into the quicksand

locks its jaws around a branch hanging

above it, the teeth grasping so fiercely the stable world

they snap the fragile wood,-

 

. . . Myrrha looped a rope over the beam above her bed

 

in order to hang herself.

_What she wants she does not want_.

 

I tasted a sweet taste, I found nothing sweeter.

Taste.

My pleasant fragrance has stripped itself to stink.

Taste.

The lust of the sweetness that is bitter I taste.

Taste.

Custom both sweet and bitter is

the intercourse of this flesh.

Taste.

_Make me nothing_

_human: not alive, not dead_.

 

Whatever lies still uncarried from the abyss within

me as I die dies with me.

* * *

 

His legs failed him, and he found himself on the ground.

What did it all mean?

Hiro was not one for poetry- perhaps there was some hidden meaning in the letter. Maybe it would make more sense to Tadashi. Maybe his brother would find an apology there.

Hiro couldn't make sense of it. One second Fred was writing about- about love?- Hiro wasn't sure. The next he was talking about death.

It was like a romantic tragedy that lost its plot along the way.

Wait.

Romantic tragedy.

Fred was... Fred was in love with his brother. He swallowed thickly. That's what it meant, wasn't it? Why else would he have mentioned love in his letter? When he linked it to the events of the afternoon and the obvious attraction he'd seen there, it made sense.

But then there was the other implications.

He read through the letter again, desperate for answers.

_Whatever lies still uncarried from the abyss within_

_me as I die dies with me_.

A single horrible thought entered his mind, and he wasn't sure he was ready to give voice to it.

But he had to.

It sounded like.... like Fred was going to kill himself. Was he going to commit suicide if Tadashi didn't return his feelings?

Hiro felt numbness sink into his limbs. The warm sunny day suddenly seemed cold and unforgiving; the sun was uncaring of the earth and all its toils. The only thing he could feel was his heart pounding and a squeezing sensation in his chest.

A world without Fred was unthinkable. He couldn't imagine how terrible that world would be.

He also couldn't bear to see his brother shackled to someone he felt nothing for. He didn't want him to bond with someone simply out of guilt either. He wanted his brother to be happy.

But despite everything, he wanted Fred to be happy too.

He didn't know what to do.

But in the end, it wasn't really his choice was it?

No, it was their choice. He had to let them decide their futures themselves.

* * *

 

"Fred wanted you to have this," he said quietly. He shoved the letter in Tadashi's hands hastily then rushed off, ignoring his brother's calls. He couldn't bear to watch as Tadashi read the letter. Couldn't bear what it would do to the future.

* * *

 

He wondered the halls listlessly for a while. He'd meant to check on his brother at some point, but he couldn't bring himself to follow through with it.

Instead he'd gone to his room, dressing himself for dinner.

There were going to be guests tonight- and not just Wasabi's university friends. There were a few members from prominent families in society that were coming. His step-father said it was to have them socialize with Wasabi after he'd been away so long. Hiro suspected it was really to let them come get a closer look at Tadashi. All the other guests their age were alphas, even though some of the families had beta and omega children.

Tadashi was going to hate it.

He really should check on him.

Just as he finished the thought he caught a whiff of Tadashi's scent. It smelled of honey and vanilla- a slight hint of raspberries. It smelt like home to Hiro. He smiled.

Everything was going to be alright. He and Tadashi would be fine. They always were.

As he got closer to the library the scent got stronger. A lot stronger. There was something else mixing in with it now too. Something very familiar.

Fred's scent. Mixed in with the heavy aroma of arousal.

His pace slowed until he stopped right by the doorway, hidden out of sight.

He heard a growl and then a resulting whimper. There was the slide of fabric over bare skin and a quiet groan. The air was so thick with tension Hiro could barely breathe.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He stepped into the doorway and froze in his spot.

Tadashi and Fred were only ten feet away, but it felt like an ocean separated them and Hiro.

His brother was pinned to the table beneath Fred, the wrist closest to Hiro being held in place by one of the alpha's hands. Fred's waist was surrounded by his lightly shaking legs. They were still wearing their clothes, although the alpha's suit jacket had made its way halfway off his back.

Tadashi's emerald robes were cascading down the edge of the table in a silken green waterfall.

The light of the lamps in the fading daylight cast them in a golden glow, giving everything an unearthly sheen. It was beautiful.

And terrifying.

Another soft whimper snapped him out of his daze.

"Tadashi?" His voice came out strained, yet despite its low volume it seemed to echo through the room in a deafening roar.

The figures on the table froze. Slowly- oh, so slowly- Fred disentangled himself from his brother. He straightened his jacket and brushed off his slacks. His back was ramrod straight, although Hiro could see his shoulders heaving as he tried to regulate his breathing.

Tadashi wasn't much better. He slid off the table to stand at Fred's side, breath leaving him in pants, cheeks flushed. He too straightened out his clothes, refusing to meet Hiro's eyes.

Fred left the room, striding away quickly without even glancing at the younger alpha. Tadashi made to do the same, but Hiro stopped him with a hand on his wrist.

"Tadashi, please," he whispered. He looked beseechingly at his brother, begging him to stay and listen.

Tadashi sighed. "You read the letter didn't you?"

Hiro paused, ashamed at his actions but nodded in confirmation. He needed Tadashi to know that he knew what happened. He needed him to understand that he was there for him.

"I saw you at the fountain," he blurted out. Tadashi's expression crumbled a bit in response, and he heaved another sigh.

"Look, Hiro. It's fine. Fred and I just have some stuff to sort out." He gazed sadly down the hallway Fred had disappeared into. Hiro's hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"You don't have to do this. You have a good life here. You can be happy." _You don't have to force yourself into something you don't want_ is what he wants to say, but the words get stuck in his throat.

He meant the words as comfort, but instead he sees fire in Tadashi's eyes.

"I can be happy doing what I _choose_ , Hiro," he snaps at him. Almost immediately he can see regret in his brother's eyes but before he can respond Tadashi escaped down the hallway.

Everything was falling apart, and Hiro had no idea how to fix it.

But maybe someone else could.

* * *

 

"Yes, Hiro? What is it you want to talk to me about?" his step-father asks. He was seated behind a large mahogany desk, covered in meticulously organized stacks of papers and pens and imperiously designed. Dinner would be in half an hour and he was dressed smartly for the occasion. He cut a large intimidating figure even while seated.

Hiro felt so lost. He was worried sick about his brother, about Fred, about everything. He'd always been told to trust his worries with adults, so that's what he did.

He confessed everything he'd seen to his step-father, unshed tears stinging his eyes all the while.

The man looked thoughtful for a few minutes before getting up from behind his desk. He moved around the front of it to bring Hiro into a hug.

"I'm glad you trusted me with this information, Hiro. I know I'm not your real father, but you and Tadashi are every bit my sons as Damon is. I care very deeply about the both of you. Don't worry about this anymore, you hear me? I'll take care of everything," he said. Hiro let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and a few tears escaped before he could stop them.

Everything was going to be okay now.

Tadashi and Fred would be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 

It wasn't until dinner that Hiro learned what a huge mistake he had made.

It started out innocently enough. But cruel intentions often hide behind a mask of innocence.

They had been about to sit down for dinner when it happened. Hiro was exhausted from the mental strain of the day's events and nearly collapsed in his chair. Beside him one of Wasabi's university friends sat down- Gogo or something unusual like that- while Tadashi took the chair to his right.

He couldn't help but notice the timid glances his brother and Fred were sharing across the table.

He thought about confronting his brother about it, but something else caught his eye.

Through the unshielded window he could see flashing lights. Flashing lights that belonged to cop cars. Hiro felt something uneasy sink into his stomach.

"What's going on?" Honey Lemon asked- another of Wasabi's university buddies, seated beside Fred.

Hiro's step-father stood to address them all. "I'm glad you asked, Miss Miyazaki. It has recently come to my attention that we are in the presence of a criminal." He waited patiently for his words to sink in, and Hiro felt the sinking feeling grow stronger.

"A criminal?" one of the older female guests tittered nervously. She clung fearfully at her husband and son's arms.

"Yes. A criminal. My dear step-son Tadashi has been attacked," he spit out the last word like it was poison.

Tadashi meanwhile just looked bewildered. "Attacked? I don't recall that happening," he said, looking at his step-father incredulously.

"Oh, the poor boy. Such a kind, sweet omega," he crooned, ignoring the look of indignation that Tadashi shot him. "He won't even admit that he's been taken advantage of. Can't imagine someone being so cruel." If anyone had been looking at Tadashi they would have seen how outraged he was at this nonsense, but everyone was watching his step-father in rapt attention instead, hanging off his every word.

"That _beast_ ," he swung an arm out to point at Fred in accusation, "tried to rape my son," he hissed. The table gasped, the guests his father invited backing away from Fred in horror.

" _What_?" Tadashi cried in disbelief. He stood up so fast his chair nearly toppled over.

Fred sat paralyzed in his chair, eyes unblinking and wide. Honey's hand was clutching his arm as if she were afraid he'd disappear if she didn't.

"Truly I cannot believe such horrors were committed in my own home," his step-father continued. "Why, if Hiro hadn't stepped in when he did who knows what would have come of the attempt. If he hadn't stopped this animal, my poor son might be bonded to this _monster_ ," he growled venomously.

The young alphas that had been invited to court his brother all stood up, frames taught with rage and eyes flashing dangerously. Hiro shrank back into his seat, praying to wake up from this nightmare.

"I am not some- some helpless damsel in distress!" Tadashi sputtered. He was shaking in fury. At least, that's what Hiro assumed it was. He'd never seen his brother so angry before. "And Fred didn't try to do anything to me!"

"Tadashi's right," Wasabi spoke up, rising to be at his father's level. "Fred is a good, loyal friend to our family. And he's not the type of person to do something like that," he said, reaching down to clasp a comforting hand on Fred's shoulder. Fred didn't seem to notice.

"That's what we all thought. But Hiro saw it himself. Didn't you, son?" he swept his piercing gaze over to him in expectation.

Hiro tried to remember how to breathe- to speak- to do _anything_ -but his brain didn't seem to be working properly.

"I-I...." he struggled to think as Tadashi swung around to glare at him accusingly.

" _Hiro_."

"Go on, son, speak up. You saw them in the library, didn't you?" his step-father prompted.

"I- I mean yeah, but-"

"You see! _He saw what happened_. And we will not allow such a crime to go unpunished, will we?" his step-father cried out, eliciting cheers of affirmation from his guests. The air was thick with barely suppressed aggression seeping from them.

Hiro was frozen in horror. This isn't what he had expected to happen. It certainly wasn't what he'd _wanted_.

Everything was going so WRONG.

He watched wordlessly when the cops waltzed in, cuffing Fred and dragging him away, deaf to the protests of his brothers and their friends. It was a not-so-secret secret that the cops were in the pocket of his step-father, so it was unsurprising that they'd take Fred away simply because he'd told them to.

The crowd of visitors flocked outside to watch the cops haul him off.

Hiro only got up when they had all gone, moving to watch out the window as the policemen shoved Fred roughly ahead of them.

For a brief moment Tadashi managed to reach Fred, holding the other's face in his hands and leaning their foreheads together, both their eyes closing at the touch. Distantly Hiro could feel his heart break inside his chest.

For a brief moment everything was right in the world. In that moment he could see how perfectly they fit together. If he ignored the handcuffs binding the alpha's hands behind his back the two looked as if they had just found each other after years of being apart.

But then his step-father pulled Tadashi away from Fred and the world slammed back into reality.

They hadn't just found each other. They were being torn apart.

And it was Hiro's fault.

He felt the cold creep into his bones as he watched the cops drive away slowly.

They were only stopped once- by Fred's aging father. Somehow he must have gotten word of what was going on. He was in his nightclothes and he looked a little unhinged. He was screaming and crying, banging his frail hands on the hood of the police car in desperation.

Hiro sank to the ground and put his head in his hands.

He was fourteen, freshly presented, and the world was falling apart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT MY LAPTOP MIRACULOUSLY STARTED WORKING AGAIN!!??!?!?! LIKE IT WASN'T WORKING 4 DAYS AGO BUT I TURNED IT ON LAST NIGHT AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO??!?!  
> IT'S A FUCKING CHRISTMAS MIRACLE  
> Side note: dunno how long it will last but I will take as much advantage of it as I can
> 
> Story related notes: Hiro is a poor concerned child who has no idea what the fuck is going on, and unlike Brione or however you spell her name, he doesn't just shove his childhood crush under the wheels of an oncoming eighteen wheeler during rush hour.  
> Also, sorry to Wasabi's dad, but I needed someone to throw under the bus. In retrospect it would have made more sense to make that Callaghan, but I totally forgot he existed when I started writing this, so oh well lol. Also, apparently Wasabi's real name is actually Wasabi???? wth is with that Marvel lmao. I just made his real name the name of his voice actor instead. Close enough. 
> 
> ALSO: next chapter we finally get to move on to Fred and Tadashi's pov's!!!! The gay is rapidly approaching, so buckle up sugar buns we're going full speed ahead
> 
> btw I changed the nsfw letter that james mccavoy writes in the movie into poetry instead BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING SAP  
> and also everything in the letter comes from the poetry collection Desire by Frank Bidart from the poems Love Incarnate, homo faber, and the second hour of the night (in no particular order and taken out of context and put into new context-my favorite thing to do)


	3. Even the one who guides and shepherds all with glowing light- the Sun- has been enthralled by love

_"                                               They owed_

_their first encounters to their living close_

_beside each other- but with time, love grows._

_Theirs did- indeed they wanted to be wed,_

_but marriage was forbidden by their parents;_

_yet there's one thing that parents can't prevent:_

_the flame of love that burned in both of them."_

_-Pyramis & Thisbe_

* * *

 

Perhaps it was inevitable that Fred and Tadashi fell in love. There was only so much to prevent two young boys that got along so well from developing a deeper bond. The close quarters certainly didn't keep it from happening.

In fact, the only thing that stood in their way was social status.

If Fred had been born to the upper class then everyone would say that they were meant for each other. It would be obvious to anyone who saw them together. The same could be said if Tadashi had been part of the middle or lower class.

But the fact of the matter was that they were not part of the same social class and therefore everybody did their best to excuse any affection they saw between them.

To most people, Fred was just a boy dreaming after something he could never attain, and Tadashi was only interested in him as a silly fling before he settled down with a gentleman alpha of high upbringing.

Most people were wrong.

Perhaps their love would not have been so vehemently dissuaded if Tadashi's parents hadn't died so early in his life. They had been kind people who had loved their children with all that they had, so perhaps if they had lived they would have supported the two.

As it was, they were dead, and Tadashi's step-father did not share the same undying love for his step-sons. He was a traditional man who saw no use in diverging from the norm. He was quite against it actually. Without strict rules society would fall apart, of that he was sure.

So when he noticed the little glances Fred and Tadashi gave each other- the way they seemed to gravitate together, the smiles that were a bit too soft and unguarded- he decided to step in.

He'd taken time after his presentation to explain to his step-son that he would have to marry a well bred alpha someday. He knew it frustrated the boy, but he was young. He'd see that he was right as he matured. He didn't push it at first, but after the startling development with the Whitaker boy he had to act fast.

He began to let other families start courting his step-son, making sure that Tadashi was behaving as a good omega should. He made absolutely sure the boy was wearing the proper omega attire at all times, even buying him finer robes that were sure to catch an alpha's eye. It was trying at times when Tadashi was so dead set against behaving as he was supposed to- he really ought to have been more disciplined as a child. His late wife had spoiled the boy too much.

The Whitaker boy was easier to take care of. His aging father required more of his help nowadays, so as long as he kept the old man busy, he kept the boy busy as well. If Fred saw what he was doing he made no indication of it. He seemed perfectly content working as a gardener- and why wouldn't he be? It was what he was meant to become. At least, it would have been if the Hamadas hadn't graciously offered to fund his education while they were alive.

He didn't mind that the boy was getting educated- it was just a little unusual. No matter how educated he was he would never be one of the upper class. It was simply unheard of.

Really, he held no ill will against the boy. He simply couldn't allow him to ruin Tadashi's life by pursuing him. Nothing good could come of it- for either of them.

He was just doing what was best for them.

* * *

 

Fred first realized he had feelings for Tadashi that surpassed friendship when he was nineteen.

He had been sitting in the campus library studying furiously for an exam while Tadashi did the same. He sat across from him, textbooks and notes splayed over the desk haphazardly. It happened when Fred looked up to ask him a question.

He looked up, preparing to ask him if he knew who Caenis was when he stopped in his tracks.

There was nothing special about that moment. They were just studying as they always had. Tadashi's hair was ruffled from where he'd repeatedly run his hands through it, there was an ink smudge on his cheek, and he was chewing on the end of his pen. The only thing special about it was that it was the moment Fred realized he was in love.

It was so sudden that it knocked the air out of his lungs like a punch to the gut.

One second he was a kid struggling with his university exams, the next he was a fool in love.

There was no way he could ever tell Tadashi that though. For one, he had literally just discovered his feelings, and for another, Tadashi would have thought he was insane.

Besides, even if Tadashi ever did return his feelings there was no way they could be together. They were from different classes. Gardener's sons didn't marry their high bred employers.

So he kept it to himself.

* * *

 

Tadashi realized he was in love about four months after Fred did.

He was sitting in Wasabi's dorm along with the rest of their friends, leaning into Fred and trying not to fall asleep while Gogo and Wasabi argued about engineering. He wasn't doing a very good job at it.

It wasn't his fault that Fred was so comfy to rest on or that two days prior his professor had decided to make his life hell by assigning a surprise fifteen page paper due earlier that day. He had stayed up all night to get it done on time, so he couldn't be blamed for his exhaustion.

Plus he was in heat. He was taking suppressants, so fortunately he didn't have to go through the horrible things heats usually entailed, but it still affected him. In return for the suppressants keeping him from being a horny, mindless mess they made him a little sleepier and turned his brain a little fuzzier. Taking impromptu naps was perfectly normal for what he was going through.

Perhaps it was his exhaustion that made him see his true feelings. He had been so tired that all the walls he had carefully built around his heart had developed a crack.

Honey was describing the mechanics of chemical metal embrittlement, but to Tadashi it was drowned out by the steady beating of Fred's heart. He peeked up at the other through his eyelashes who smiled down at him and raised his eyebrows as if to say, "I have no idea what she's talking about, do you?" and Tadashi was mesmerized by the sight.

It wasn't as if Fred had never given him that look before, but for some reason that day it felt different. It changed everything for him.

Ever since he had presented he'd been groomed for marriage to a "respectable" alpha. Everyone said that if he didn't love his mate at first he'd come to love them over time. What they really meant was that his feelings didn't matter at all. He was just a trophy to be won.

Tadashi hated it. But in the end, he still had to accept it. What else was he supposed to do? Run away from everyone and everything he'd ever known? He wasn't that delusional. He was only eighteen. He didn't know enough about the world to survive on his own.

So he buried his feelings on the matter- albeit somewhat shallowly, as all his frustrations about being an omega were- and resigned himself to a loveless marriage in the vaguely distant future.

Yet in that dorm room, on a not so special day, his carefully hidden feelings found him again.

In all honesty he had fallen for Fred long before that moment, but only then did he admit it to himself. After all, it's not like he and Fred could ever get married. They were from different classes- Tadashi's step-father would never allow it.

It's not like Fred would ever feel the same way anyway.

Tadashi looked at the crack in his defenses and shoved anything that he could find into it to seal it up.

* * *

 

They spent the next three years dancing around their feelings.

If there were moments where they thought the other might reciprocate their affection- which there most certainly were- they brushed them off as wishful thinking.

It was painfully obvious to their friends, and anyone around them got a sneaking suspicion, but Fred and Tadashi staunchly denied their feelings for each other.

When he caught Tadashi staring at him after he stripped his shirt off and was left in a tank top to do yard work, Fred brushed it off. He was probably just lost in thought and his gaze at the time was purely coincidental.

The time Tadashi watched Fred walk into a wall after he came out of his room to ask him if he looked okay in his new robes? He figured Fred was just a little overexerted from working outside.

And of course there were the countless times they ended up staring into each other's eyes while they smiled shyly. They told themselves it was just something all friends did.

It was a miracle their other friends hadn't shoved them into a closet and forced them to confront their feelings. They managed to restrain themselves, although for Gogo it was a very near thing. They reasoned that Tadashi and Fred just needed time to address it themselves.

And they did.

On a day filled with happiness, horror, and most of all regret.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol this chapter was supposed to be a lot longer and get a lot more done, but I was like "ehhhhh...not feelin it" and just decided to get it out of the way so I could update my other fics haha  
> Also did y'all know romeo and juliet was based off pyramis and thisbe? Cuz until last semester I sure af didn't. Romeo and juliet got a lot more time to get to know each other tho lol. In the sense that they actually got to meet face to face. Pyramis and thisbe talked through a fucking crack in the wall can you imagine????


	4. Letters Meant For No One's Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fountain incident from Fred's point of view

_“And can I speak to him- confess in full?_

_Urged on by love, indeed I can. Or if_

_my shame won’t let me speak, I still can write_

_a secret letter, and the love I hide_

_will be revealed to him.”_

__-_ Byblis & Caunis _

 

* * *

It was a hot and sunny day when Wasabi was supposed to return home. Fred had spent the better part of the morning helping his father trim back the rose bushes. By the time he’d found Hiro staring out the window it was already midday.

The poor kid had a rough week from presenting, so he figured he could use a break. Staring anxiously out the window probably wasn’t going to help him relax, so Fred invited him to come outside for some lemonade. He wasn’t sure if Hiro would take him up on his offer, but he would be there if the kid needed him.

Until then, he was going to find…

“Tadashi! There you are. What do you got there??”

The older Hamada turned around to face him, hands clutching a vase to his chest.

“Oh hey, Fred. I’m just getting some water for these flowers. They’re for the dinner tonight. Have to impress all those guests,” he huffed. They both knew that although it was officially a dinner to welcome Wasabi home, it was really just a pretense to find a suitable mate for Tadashi.

They shared a look of commiseration, stepping outside to the courtyard. Tadashi’s step dad was...persistent. No matter how hard Tadashi fought against the system that was determined to trap him, his step-father was there to reel him back in. It wasn’t that he was a bad guy...he was just a traditional man.

“Ready to be paraded around like a show dog?” Fred asked. He tried to keep it light hearted, but the thought of Tadashi being treated like that made his heart clench. Partially because nobody should be treated that way, and partially because of a more personal nature.

He really hated the idea of Tadashi marrying someone other than Fred. He didn’t like to entertain the idea of marrying him, but only because he knew it was never going to happen. There was no way he, a gardener’s son, was ever going to be allowed to have feelings for- much less marry- Tadashi Hamada. That didn’t mean he didn’t fantasize about it on occasion. He just... didn’t allow himself to get his hopes up. He knew that with the way things were now, Tadashi was going to have to marry some snooty rich alpha that his step-dad set him up with.

He snuck a glance at the omega beside him who had stopped moving.

Tadashi was silent, and Fred wished he had bit his tongue. Had he overstepped himself?

There were a few moments of tense silence before Tadashi finally spoke up.

“I guess I have to be ready. It’s not like I have a choice about it,” he said. Fred wanted to wipe the scowl off of the other’s face, but he didn’t know how to go about doing so.

It didn’t matter though because Tadashi didn’t give him any time to act on his feelings. He was already walking away before Fred could even think about raising his hand.

Fred was struck with an intense need to help his friend out in any way he could. He jogged a little to catch up to the other, trying to get his chest to stop constricting.

Tadashi sat on the edge of the fountain and sighed. He plucked the flowers out of their ornate vase and was about to lean over and scoop water into it. Fred noticed that the sleeves of his outer robes were going to get soaked if he continued.

“Here, why don’t you let me do that, buddy,” he said, reaching out to take it off the other’s hands.

Unfortunately, Tadashi was not having it.

“No, it’s fine, I’ve got it,” he said irritably, trying to tug it back.

If Fred were a little smarter he would have let go and let Tadashi fume on his own for a little while, but that day he was stupidly stubborn.

“No, no, let me. If you do it you’re going to ruin your fancy new clothes.” It was the completely wrong thing to say because it once again reminded Tadashi of his placement in life.

Tadashi outright glared at him, and his grip tightened enough that his knuckles turned white. “I don’t care about my stupid _clothes_ , Fred. And I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m not some poor helpless omega that can’t even manage to put some water in a vase!” he seethed.

While he spoke his hands had tugged on the vase, and it caused the delicate pieces that Fred was grasping to break off. Small chunks of the vase clattered against the ground, and a single piece went tumbling into the fountain.

There was a single second where the two froze, processing what had just happened. Fred bit his lip and tried not to panic. He wasn’t doing very well at it.

The pair of them stood up- one with tight fury, the other with forced calm to hide his wariness.

“Uh, sorry, that was um...not what I meant to do…” he said, gesturing vaguely at the broken fragments.

Tadashi didn’t say anything in response, but he did shoot him a venomous look. It made his insides shrivel up with contempt for himself.

Before he could say anything else Tadashi was stripping his outer robes off and flung them on the ground. Fred was so distracted looking at the pale yellow fabric pooled at his feet he almost didn’t notice Tadashi slide into the fountain.

It certainly got his attention when he reemerged though.

Tadashi surged out of the water, chest heaving and dripping wet. Fred had a fleeting thought that it was a good thing it was such a hot day or he’d be worried about the omega catching pneumonia. It was quickly replaced by thoughts of how incredibly attractive his friend was, even when he was soaked and enraged.

Now, Fred was studying to be a doctor- it was hard work, but he wanted to make sure he repaid the late Hamadas by choosing a respectable profession. Plus, he used it as an excuse to teach Tadashi the materials he studied. The rest of the world may have been opposed to an omega doctor, but Fred sure wasn’t, and he was going to do everything in his power to help Tadashi achieve his dream.

That being said, he still had a soft spot for poetry, particularly ones that corresponded to Greek mythology. If he had been born in the upper class and didn’t have to worry about choosing something “worthwhile” to major in, he would have chose poetry. To him, the words scratched down on pieces of paper were passion. They were joy, they were anger, they were sorrow, they were life, they were death, they were _love_.

Looking at Tadashi as he stood, dripping droplets of water to the cement, clothes plastered to his flushed skin in the brilliant light of the sun… It was poetry to Fred.

As he stood there he wasn’t just Fred Whitaker, the gardener’s son.

He was Hades looking at Persephone, gazing upon something so pure and perfect he wanted to keep it all for himself.

He was Echo staring at Narcissus, knowing that no matter what she did, it would never make him love her back.

He was Apollo weeping at the roots of what had once been Daphne’s feet, with the weight of his unattainable love and guilt weighing him down.

He was Myrrha gazing longingly at Cinyras, hating herself for what she could not help. The poison called love filling her veins and making her weep at its wrongness. He was Myrrha, who knew that her love would be her destruction, but couldn’t bear to turn her eyes away.

He was Fred Whitaker, the gardener’s son, and he wished that he could be anyone else.

Tadashi blinked the water out of his eyes for a few seconds, but after his vision cleared he moved to step down. Fred snapped out of his stupor and held out his hands to stop him.

“Wait!” he blurted. Tadashi halted at the command, more startled than angry despite the scowl on his face. Thank goodness for that. Fred cleared his throat. “There’s still some sharp pieces on the ground. And you don’t have shoes on. Let me pick them up first.”

He bent down to retrieve the shards and scooped up Tadashi’s robes as well. When he stood upright again he tossed the gossamer thin fabric to Tadashi, streams of light yellow flowing through his fingers. He felt like he was returning rays of light back to the sun.

Tadashi snatched them out of the air and threw his arms into the sleeves with barely concealed irritation. The pale yellow robes didn’t improve his state of indecency much, but he clutched them around himself anyways.

Fred was hard pressed to tear his eyes away from the beauty in front of him, but he didn’t want to stare at his best friend when the other was clearly uncomfortable. Besides, he shouldn’t be looking at him when he was in such a state anyways. It was improper.

He kept his body facing towards the other but turned his eyes to the ground. It was as much as a compromise that he was going to get from his treacherous body.

Though when Tadashi stormed away he couldn’t help but follow the other’s trek with his gaze, wishing he could make the frown on his friend’s face disappear. He wished he could wipe it gently from his lips and replace it with a smile and a kiss. He wished he could tell Tadashi that he loved him.

* * *

Later, in the privacy of his small home, he sat himself in front of a typewriter to try and form an apology to Tadashi.

The only problem was that he had no idea what to say. “Sorry I inadvertently caused the two of us to break that super expensive vase” didn’t seem good enough. So he sat there for what felt like ages trying to figure out what to write instead.

He knew that no matter what he wrote it wouldn’t be anywhere near a good enough explanation for what had happened back there.

Except for possibly the truth, but there was no way in hell he could possibly do that.

Telling him the truth would mean he would have to confess his feelings for him, and that could only end in disaster. After all, it wasn’t like Tadashi would ever return his feelings. Fred would just end up even more heartbroken than he already was. So hell no, he was not going to do that.

But maybe he ought to let out his pent up emotions somehow.

He clearly wasn’t getting anywhere with his stupid apology letter, so he might as well. It couldn’t hurt to pretend that he was brave enough to tell Tadashi how he felt. But even then, he wasn’t sure how to put all that he was feeling into his own words.

He walked over to the small bookshelf in the corner of the room and pulled off a few of his favorite poetry books from the class he and Tadashi had taken together. He laid them out along his desk and began flipping through them for passages that might help him with his predicament.

And then he copied them down with the typewriter. They were fragments he was piecing into something new, something that he hoped Tadashi would understand.

Once he finished it felt like there was a weight lifted from his chest. He heaved a sigh of relief. Tadashi would hopefully never know about how Fred felt, but it felt good to let it out. Even if no one ever read his heartfelt love letter.

He grabbed an envelope sitting among the clutter of his desk and shoved it hastily inside as if he was worried someone would find it if he left it out for any longer.

Of course, now that he was done with that he had to compose his actual letter to Tadashi. It was a little easier now that he had gotten the rest out of his system. He kept it short and simple.

* * *

Tadashi,

I’m sorry for what happened earlier today. I don’t see you as some weak, fragile omega- I would never dream of thinking about you like that. I was just trying to help, but I see now that I should have just let you do it. I was too caught up in myself to think about how what I was doing would make you feel. I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me and that this won’t affect our friendship negatively. You’re my best friend, and I would hate to lose you.

Sincerely, Fred

* * *

He closed his eyes and breathed deep the warm summer air. Yeah. It would be good enough. Tadashi was upset, but they were friends- he’d forgive him for what happened. Tadashi was too nice to completely push him away over one incident. They would be alright.

He placed it carefully in another envelope, and set it beside the one he had written earlier.

He glanced at the clock and realized it was getting late. Dinner would start in a couple hours, but he wanted to go spend some time with his newly returned friends before then. Best to get dressed for dinner now and meet up with them like that.

He pulled on the nicest suit he owned- he had to look impeccable for the visiting guests that Wasabi’s dad had invited- and picked up the bowtie that Honey had bought him. She said it brought out his eyes. He vaguely remembered Tadashi agreeing with her.

When he was finally dressed properly he walked back to his desk and plucked the envelope off of it before striding outside.

* * *

He found Hiro walking listlessly in the field beside the dirt road that led to the manor.

“Hiro? Sorry to bother you buddy, but would you mind giving something to your brother for me? I… I kind of upset him earlier? I just wanted to apologize.”

The younger boy stared at him for a while, just long enough for Fred to wonder if he knew how badly the older had screwed up that day.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen Hiro since he saw him at the window waiting for Wasabi. He’d told him to join him and Tadashi for lemonade, but after what happened at the fountain Fred had completely forgot about it. Maybe Hiro had showed up to the courtyard and found neither of them and now felt like he had been brushed off. Fred should probably apologize.

He opened his mouth but the words got stuck in his throat.

Eventually he spoke again, but he still felt awkward. “Uh, I know I should just give it to him myself, but… I’m a little embarrassed I guess. I don’t think he wants to see me right now anyway.” His throat closed up again at the thought. “So...do you mind?”

He held the letter out tentatively, unsure if the other would take it.

Fortunately, Hiro did, nodding slightly before taking off.

And that was that.

….Well, it should have been. As soon as Hiro left though Fred’s brain started ringing warning bells at him in frantic alarm. Which was weird. There was no reason why that should be happening. After all, he had just given the kid a letter to apologize for what went on at the fountain…

Or did he. His mind scrambled back to when he wrote the letters, when he sealed them inside their envelopes, when he tossed the second one carelessly beside the first one, when he picked one of them up before he left…

Oh God, he picked up the right letter, didn’t he?!

He raced back to his house and threw open the door, slamming it against the wall in his haste. He would have winced at that if he wasn’t so concerned about finding out which letter was still sitting on his desk. He picked it up with shaking hands and tore open the envelope.

His apology stared him back in the face.

“Oh shit.”

He booked it back to the field Hiro had been in but it was too late. He was long gone.

Fred put his head in his hands and screamed into his palms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh freddy fred fred. don't worry, it will work out in the end.  
> well sort of.


	5. This Is The Last Moment She Remembers Clearly. Then The Dark God Bore Her Away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The library incident from Fred and Tadashi's pov

_She also remembers, less clearly,_

_the chilling insight that from this moment_

_she couldn't live without him again._

_-"A Myth of Innocence" by Louise Gluck_

* * *

Fred kept up a calm and pleasant facade while he and his friends caught up with each other. On the inside he was secretly screaming at the top of his lungs and clawing at his scalp.

Why, oh why, did he have to give Hiro the wrong letter?

Every now and then his eyes would flick to Tadashi-surely his brother would have delivered it to him by now- but his friend didn't act like anything was unusual. He may not have been as candid as usual, but that was to be expected after that whole fiasco in the morning. And really, he didn't seem upset with Fred anymore.

Maybe he hadn't read the letter?

Honestly, that would be the best case scenario for Fred. Worst case would be that Tadashi had read it and was simply waiting for the best time to break it to Fred that he didn't reciprocate his feelings. Fred might actually die if Tadashi rejected him.

He was perfectly fine in the knowledge that Tadashi could never be his because no one could ever deserve Tadashi. There was no way they could ever work out for a variety of reasons, but that didn't mean he wanted Tadashi to _confirm_ it.

He held back a sigh and turned his attention back to the group.

"What do you think, Freddy? That sound okay to you?" Honey asked, and the whole group turned to look at him.

Fuck. He should have been paying attention. "Uh, yeah. Sounds good," he answered. God, he hoped he hadn't just agreed to something awful. Imagine if they'd just asked him what his opinion on the Armenian Genocide was. Holy shit, what if they had?!

"It's settled then," Wasabi cut through his spiraling thoughts, "We'll meet up again for dinner in an hour."

Fred almost sighed in relief. Then he realized what Wasabi said and snapped back to reality.

He had a whole hour to himself now? What was he supposed to do? He hadn't planned on having an hour of free time without his friends.

It was too late to take back what he'd said though. Before he knew it they had all dispersed and left him to wander on his own.

Great.

* * *

Eventually- and he wasn't quite sure how- he ended up in the library. He was puttering around in there, rereading old poetry volumes when Tadashi appeared.

"Fred?"

He froze at the other's voice, and he could have sworn his heart stopped beating. He turned around slowly to face Tadashi and nearly stopped breathing when he saw him.

Tadashi was singularly the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

He had changed into an emerald green dress that cascaded to the ground like a silk waterfall. It was a backless gown, tied at the neck with an emerald choker and a plunging neckline. There was also a startling amount of bare leg revealed by the slits up the sides. Fred almost saw stars at the lack of oxygen going to his brain. There was no doubt in his mind that Tadashi's step-father had chosen the gown to secure an alpha's interest. No one would be able to look away from Tadashi when he was wearing that. Especially not an alpha.

Fred was caught between the horror of having his friend realize he was ogling him and the inability to tear his eyes away despite that. There was also an annoyingly primitive part of him that was jealous over the fact that other alphas were going to be doing the same thing as him.

"Um, Fred?" Tadashi asked with a hint of uncertainty. "Can we talk?"

He rubbed his arm nervously and brushed imaginary dust off his dress.

Fred snapped out of his stupor and forced a smile onto his face. "Right. Yeah. Sure, we should...talk."

Tadashi sighed lightly and stepped forward to perch himself on the edge of a nearby table. He tentatively held out the piece of paper in his hands that Fred had failed to notice before. It was his letter.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK-

"Oh my God, please tell me you didn't read that," he blurted out before he could stop himself. He slapped a hand to his mouth and felt his eyes widen in horror.

Tadashi peered up at him uncertainly. "Um...yeah, I did."

Fred's remaining hand joined his face in his ultimate shame and agony. He groaned miserably.

"I am _so_ sorry! You weren't supposed to read that! I mean, I gave it to Hiro and told him to give it to you, but it was the wrong one! It was supposed to be an apology, oh my God! I'm so sorry-" he blabbered. Talk about a classic word vomit moment.

He had to leave the country. Right now. Forever.

"Seriously, if you never want to see me again I don't blame you. I should just- leave. Or throw myself off the roof. I don't know. Oh God, just ignore what you read. You know what? That's an old poetry assignment. Yeah. I uh, found it and put it in an envelope and then...gave Hiro the wrong one. Yeah. That's what happened. That sounds plausible, right? Oh God-"

"Fred."

"I need to go. Do you think the weather's nice in Mexico? Is that far enough for you? Do I need to go farther? Quick, what's the farthest place on the planet I can be from here-"

" _Fred_ ," Tadashi interrupted with a hand on his arm. Fred dropped his hands from their frantic pulling through his hair.

Tadashi coughed lightly, a lovely blush dusting across his cheeks. Fred was blushing too, but he was positive it didn't look nearly as becoming as Tadashi's.

The omega released his hold on Fred's arm to fiddle with his hands in his lap.

The two of them descended into taut silence.

Fred's brain was going a million miles an hour to try and figure out how to fix this giant mess he'd made. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost didn't hear Tadashi speak.

"Did you mean it?" he asked. His voice was so quiet Fred almost thought he imagined it. But if course he hadn't.

"Did I mean it?" Fred repeated the question back anxiously.

* * *

Tadashi took a shaky breath and met his eyes again. "What you were saying in this letter- did you mean it?"

He had taken the same poetry class Fred had. They read the same materials for it and studied them together. He recognized the poems Fred had used in his letter, and more importantly he knew what they were about.

It was not lost on him how heavily the poems he had picked had focused on love, nor that they were primarily about the love between Myrrha and Cinyras.

The tale of Myrrha and Cinyras was not a well known one- and for good reason. It was one thing when the Greeks told tales of their gods having incestuous among themselves, but it was a completely different thing for it to happen between humans.

It was said that Cinyras could have been a happy man if only he'd never had a daughter. According to Ovid, even the gods would not claim hand in Myrrha's undoing. It was her great misfortune that she would fall in love. If only she had fell in love with any other man than her own father.

Myrrha herself knew that what she felt was wrong, and had in fact sought to end her life rather than pursue such wretched longing. But as fate would have it, her old nurse had found her attempting to hang herself, and begged her to live and tell her what was plaguing her so. To keep her alive, her nurse vowed to help Myrrha receive her father's love.

When King Cinyras was drunk with wine and his wife not at his side, the nurse approached him with the offer of a young girl that loved him.

And through the darkness of night the two were brought together, and although Myrrha knew what she was doing was wrong, she could not help herself. Night after night, she traveled to her father's bed until the man became too curious about who it was that kept coming to him.

Like Psyche wishing to gaze upon her unseen husband's face, Cinyras held the lamp to Myrrha's.

Filled with grief and horror, he dropped the lamp and unsheathed his sword.

But Myrrha did not die. She fled, never to see her father or her home again. By then she already carried the seed of their sin.

When she could run no longer she begged the gods to end her misery. But she did not wish for death. In death she knew she would have to face the judges of the underworld, knew there would only be accusing eyes without pity. She begged them to release her from both life and death.

One of them must have took pity on her and granted her wish.

Her feet were transformed to roots, her blood turned to sap, and bark crawled over her skin. Even then it was not fast enough for Myrrha, who bent her face downwards to meet the rising bark, her tears adorning the tree's surface as resin that people would come to covet.

The words of Fred's letter echoed through his head.

_What she wants she does not want._

Fred loved someone, but he didn't want to. His panic right now confirmed that it was Tadashi. He felt something small and traitorous flutter in his stomach.

_(malignant in the eyes of god and men)_

No one would approve of it if they knew. Tadashi knew that as well. After all, he and Fred were from different classes, and his step-father was doing everything in his power to set Tadashi up with someone...convenient.

_-As a dog whose body is sinking into the quicksand_

_locks its jaws around a branch hanging_

_above it, the teeth grasping so fiercely the stable world_

_they snap the fragile wood,-_

Fred had tried so hard not to fall in love that it had backfired on him fantastically. The more he tried not to, the more apparent it became. Tadashi could identify with that. The same had happened to him.

_Whatever lies still uncarried from the abyss within_

_me as I die dies with me._

Fred would rather take his feelings for Tadashi to the grave than confess them to him.

That was less reassuring, but he couldn't exactly blame him. There was that whole "nobody would approve of me being in love with you" thing.

But God, now that he knew Fred the same- that Fred _loved_ him... Tadashi would rather die right now than live the rest of his life shackled to some hothead alpha his step-father had ordered him to marry. He'd rather die than live on knowing what he'd lost.

"Did you mean it?" he asked again.

Fred stared at him wide eyed and unmoving for another minute before answering. Tadashi felt like his heart was going to crawl up out of his throat.

"I did," Fred choked out.

It was like a great weight was lifted from his chest at the words, and Tadashi surged forwards to grab Fred by his suit's lapels. He pulled the alpha towards him and buried his face in the junction between his shoulder and neck to hide his tears.

Why, _why_ hadn't they figured this out sooner?

Fred's arms reached up to run his hands comfortingly up and down his back. His hold on Fred's suit tightened.

He'd spent years trying to convince himself to accept his lot in life. He wouldn't get to be a doctor, but being a nurse wouldn't be so bad. He wouldn't get to marry for love, but he could learn to love his partner in the future.

It all seemed so easy in theory. Real life was a different matter.

He couldn't stop his head from filling with dreams of being a doctor, and he couldn't stop falling in love with his best friend.

How could he possibly go to dinner and parade himself around like a trophy to be won by some boneheaded alpha who didn't care for him as a person when someone perfect for him already existed?

Fred was sweet, he was kind, he was never aggressive, he treated Tadashi like an equal, and sometimes when he looked at Tadashi...it was like he was looking at something more precious than words. Which was saying something considering Fred's great love for poetry. It made Tadashi's heart squeeze painfully.

"Are you okay?" Fred asked quietly.

Tadashi nodded his head slowly. "Yeah. I'm... I'm okay." He carefully pulled away from the other's chest and took a deep breath to calm himself.

Fred looked down at him cautiously as if he were afraid Tadashi would bolt if he moved too suddenly.

Tadashi straightened out the lapels on Fred's suit that he'd been clutching in a death grip. It wouldn't do to ruin it before something that required such nice attire.

Fred shifted his weight from foot to foot. "So, um... You don't mind that I... have feelings for you?" He winced at his own question.

It suddenly occurred to Tadashi that Fred hadn't gotten confirmation on Tadashi's own feelings.

He reached his hands up to cup Fred's face and gently brought their lips together. Fred's grip around his waist tightened imperceptibly.

Their first kisses were slow and soft as they learned each other anew. They were just happy to know that they were loved. But soon enough the reminder of their futures kicked in and slow was not enough. Desperation to have each other before the rest of the world swooped in spurred them on, and Tadashi found himself pinned beneath Fred's comforting weight.

He whimpered as Fred's lips found his throat, tightening his legs around the alpha's waist. One of his arms was trapped beneath Fred's hand but the other one pulled insistently at the alpha's jacket. It was wildly unfair that Fred had so much of Tadashi's skin to explore while Tadashi had so little.

They were so caught up in the heat of the moment that they didn't hear Hiro approach.

And then of course, everything went downhill from there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so weird that I'd never heard of Myrrha and Cinyras before last year, but I'd heard of Adonis (their son) and also knew what myrrh was but somehow their story never popped up (wonder why that was-NOT)


	6. Numb

_"But it's her tongue he seizes with a pincer;_

_and even as it calls upon her father,_

_protests and struggles hard to speak, he lifts_

_his blade and- without mercy- severs it._

_Its root still quivers, while the tongue itself_

_falls to the ground; there, on the blood-red soil,_

_it murmurs; as a serpent's severed tail_

_will writhe, so did that tongue, in dying, twist_

_and try to reach its mistress' feet..."_

_-Tereus, Procne, Philomela_

\--------------------------------

When they met up for dinner they said nothing. Shy glances were all that they shared, knowing that they couldn't openly display their affection. After all, the dinner was basically a trial to see which rich alpha Tadashi's stepfather would sell him off to.

It was alright though. It was enough for the moment. They were just happy to be together.

And then of course, Tadashi's stepfather spoke up.

With every word it felt as though the man were ripping a piece off of Fred.

He wanted to speak up, wanted to deny the older man's accusations, but he couldn't move. Even his blood seemed to freeze in his veins. His mouth felt like it was cemented shut and his tongue was a lead weight. He wasn't even sure he was breathing.

There was something squeezing his arm, but he wasn't sure what. Perhaps it was one of Honey's hands. He didn't know. He couldn't tear his eyes from the alpha glaring daggers into his chest.

When he and Tadashi had separated in the library he had taken a moment to imagine all the terrible things that could happen to them if they were caught, but somehow he'd never imagined this.

The air stank with aggressive alpha pheromones, the guests staring at him with malicious eyes while Tadashi's stepfather continued to spin tales of the horrors Fred had wrought.

How had this happened? How had the man even found out about him and Tadashi so soon?

He didn't have to wait long for an answer.

Hiro. Hiro had seen them in the library.

Oh God, Hiro thought Fred was raping his brother.

He'd never imagined-

How could he let this happen?

He should have explained to Hiro what happened instead of running away with his tail between his legs.

The kid must hate him.

He couldn't even blame him. It was the reasonable thing to do. He was just trying to look out for his brother. He didn't know any better. He was still just a kid.

Fred said nothing as the cops cuffed him and dragged him away.

Everything was happening so fast, yet simultaneously felt like the world was moving in slow motion. One second he was sitting at the table across from Tadashi and the next he was standing outside in front of a police cruiser. And in between that time he'd gone through a lifetime of horror. The whole world felt fuzzy.

Everything snapped back into focus when Tadashi appeared in front of him, reaching out to bring their faces together. Their foreheads touched and he felt his eyes drop closed at the contact, taking a moment to just breathe the other in.

There was no way he could tell for sure, but he was positive that Tadashi was doing the same.

He tried to memorize the moment, catalog it for safe keeping in his mind forever before it was ripped from him.

Then Tadashi was pulled away from him, and the world sizzled out again.

Distantly he could hear his friend's protesting, but he knew it was all for naught. If there was one thing he learned about Tadashi's stepfather it was that the man was stubborn. He wouldn't waver in his decision.

The last thing he remembered before the cops took him away for good was his father's screaming and the tears pouring down his aging face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an extremely short chapter


	7. Echoes from the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ayyyyyyy I'm back to actually advance the plot this time

This silence is my companion now.

I ask: _of what did my soul die?_

and the silence answers

 

_if your soul died, whose life_

_are you living and_

_when did you become that person?_

 

_\- Echoes by Louise Gluck_

* * *

Fred kept his head down as he walked shoulders up and trying not to fidget whenever someone glanced at him. He knew nobody was actually looking at him, but it still felt like they were all staring at him. Being out in public like this after so long in jail made it feel like he stuck out like a sore thumb.

Street after street his anxiety grew. What if someone actually recognized him? What if they realized he was the guy that had been arrested for rape in the middle of some big shot’s dinner party?

It didn't matter that he'd been released, or that he was wearing a military uniform- he felt like a bone that a pack of ravenous dogs was eyeing up.

He wanted to turn around and run away, but he couldn't. Not yet.

He walked swiftly down the corridor until he reached the glass doors of the busy cafe. His eyes swept over the crowd until they rested on a lone figure whose back was facing him.

Tadashi turned around at the moment and caught his eyes, and it became too much for Fred. He turned around and walked away, back down the hallway he came from.

At the end of the hallway he paused.

What was he doing? Wasn't this what he'd been waiting for? He'd spent years in his lonely, dank prison cell wishing he could see Tadashi again, and now that time had finally come he was running away. He'd taken one look at the man of his dreams and left.

He was such a coward.

He had to go back. He couldn't do this to Tadashi. He'd been the one to ask him to meet up in the first place; it would be unfair to disappear on him like that.

He took a deep breath, turned around, and walked back to the cafe doors.

Tadashi was waiting for him at the table, standing up and looking at him with wide eyes as if he had been about to chase after him but thought better of it.

He was every bit as beautiful as Fred remembered and more.

Each step that Fred took toward him felt like a lifetime. Each step he died and was born anew, his only constant in the cycle of rebirth being the deep brown eyes anchoring him to the earth. The rest of the world fell away until there was nothing but the two of them. Two souls forever reaching for each other but never meeting. They were a thin red string being pulled in different directions.

He reached the table.

The string went slack.

The pair slowly sank into their seats, never taking their eyes off each other. Each of them was afraid that if they blinked the other might disappear.

Eventually someone had to speak up. They could have spent eternity there just staring into each other's eyes, but the rest of the world not let them. Fred had to ship out soon, and Tadashi only had a half hour left of his lunch break.

He pushed a cup of tea towards Fred. "I'm sorry, I can't remember. How many-"

"Four. Thanks," Fred interrupted before he could finish his question, but it was clear he knew what Tadashi was asking. He let Tadashi dump four spoonfuls of sugar into his cup.

The distance between who they used to be and the people they had become felt so great, but Tadashi couldn't help smiling a little. "Right. I should have known. You always did like enough sugar to kill a horse in all your things."

A memory came to the surface of his thoughts where the whole gang had tried to make a birthday cake for Hiro on their own. Fred had put in about three times as much sugar as the recipe required, Gogo almost broke the mixing bowl, Tadashi kept putting the wrong ingredients in for the measurements listed, Wasabi was so busy trying to clean everything else up he over baked the cake, and Honey had made a frosting that was so sticky it glued their mouths together like cement. Needless to say, the cake itself was a disaster, but they all had fun anyways. Plus, a ten year old Hiro had found the whole story and resulting monstrosity hilarious.

He wished he could have those days back.

Now here they were, Tadashi having cut off all ties with his immediate family and Fred newly released from wrongful imprisonment.

Not that anyone besides their friends knew that it was wrongful imprisonment- in fact; Fred was only being released on the condition that he serve in the war.

He gave Tadashi a wan smile. "So where are you living now?" he asked, breaking eye contact at last to try and stare down his hands in an attempt to force them into stop shaking.

He startled when Tadashi reached over with his left hand to place it gently atop Fred's right. "A tiny little flat in Balham. It's...well, it's ghastly. The landlady's rude and horribly nosey," he chuckled. His grip on Fred's hand tightened imperceptibly.

"You look-" Fred said suddenly, as though he couldn't hold back the words, "-the same." Beautiful is what he meant. Perfect would also have sufficed. He flushed. "Except uh, for the uniform of course," he stumbled out, pointing half heartedly at Tadashi's nurse uniform. 

"I'm so sorry, I have to be back at the hospital in half an hour," he replied sadly.

Fred's eyes snapped back up to his face. "Oh god, that's..." he choked out. _That's so soon_.

They were silent for a moment. Tadashi glanced away, gaze catching on a pair of elderly beta women who were whispering to each other and looking right at Fred and him. His hand clenched around empty air, and he found himself surprised at the lack of warm skin beneath it. Fred had drawn his hand back without him even realizing.

"I'm sorry," Tadashi said softly.

"Don't be." Fred shook his head. "How is... That is... Have you been in touch with your family?"

Tadashi scowled outright at that. "No. I've told you I'm not going to have any contact with them after what they did. Wasabi is the exception, but we hardly have any time to see each other anyways. His father decided that it was time for him to finally start courting, so he's been tied up with that."

Fred didn't ask about Hiro. He couldn't bear to. He figured Tadashi probably couldn't bear it either because even after everything he'd always loved his little brother, and it hurt him to be separated from him like this. God, the things he had given up just because of that one night....

"Tadashi, you don't...owe me anything. You know that right?" he asked weakly. The words tasted bitter on his tongue and burned as they left his mouth.

To his credit, the omega only looked hurt. "Didn't you get my letters? I would have visited you- every day! But I wasn't allowed to. Any time I tried they turned me away. I would have spent every moment in there with you if I could," he said, reaching out to take his hand again.

The tremors in Fred's hands returned, making him grimace. "Of course I got your letters. But if all we have is based off a few minutes in your step-father's library three and a half years ago-"

"It's not just a few minutes!" Tadashi burst out. "It's a lifetime, Fred. All those years we grew up together, all that time we spent together as friends.... Those count for something. They didn't just mean nothing, did they?" he asked quietly this time.

They were leaning so close together now that their heads and shoulders touched. The only thing that separated them was their joined hands.

Fred brought Tadashi's knuckles to his lips and placed a chaste kiss on them.

"No.... You're right. They're not nothing."

* * *

They walked to the bus stop with Tadashi's arm wrapped around Fred's.

"My aunt, Cass- the estranged one- I met her a few months ago. She's a lot nicer than the family made her out to be. I told her what happened, and she's on our side. She has a cottage by the coast. It's white clapboard with blue window frames. She said we can use it when you're on leave. Or maybe, um, permanently when you get back," said Tadashi, blushing at the last part.

He didn't want to be presumptuous and assume that Fred would want to live together after the war. After all, Tadashi had caused him so much pain over the years.

Fred stopped in his tracks, forcing the crowds of people bustling about to part around the pair.

He gently untangled their arms so that he could pull Tadashi in by the waist and face him head on. The kiss that followed was long and sweet.

They separated when the bus arrived, Tadashi hastily pulling a photo from his pocket and shoving it into the alpha's hands.

Fred glanced down at the white clapboards and blue window frames pictured.

"Something to think about while you're away," Tadashi told him, giving him one more fleeting kiss before scrambling onto the bus.

Fred tore his eyes away from the photograph to watch the bus move on to its next destination.

"I love you," he managed to squeeze out. But he said it too quietly, too late.... the bus was too far ahead for Tadashi to hear him.

He was suddenly filled with a deep need to tell Tadashi those words, to let him know how he felt before he left for the front.

He ran after the bus.

He was still too slow though, not in good enough shape to keep up with a motor vehicle, and once again the love of his life slipped out of his grasp.

He watched silently as the bus drove around a corner, cutting Tadashi off from view.

Tadashi's sad but understanding eyes followed him all the way to the warfront.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what, this is definitely my least popular fic, but I still somehow really like writing it, and isn't that just a fucking blessing


End file.
